“The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved. Loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.” – Victor Hugo
Hey ladies, today’s post is about the things women do that are pushing men away. I chose this topic because during our quest to get our needs met, a lot of times we forget that men have needs too. And as his partner, it’s our job to meet his needs and be aware of mistakes that could destroy our relationships. I hope that after reading this post you will know what behaviors you should avoid and have a better idea of how you can improve your relationship. So here are…
4 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships – How to Stop Pushing Your Man Away
1. Disrespecting your man by talking down to him and not showing appreciation for what he does
Getting respect is the number one and most important need men have. So if you find yourself talking down to your man like calling him a loser, saying he sucks, or making him feel inadequate and incompetent you should really start to rethink your approach and what you choose to say to him – if not he’s eventually going to lose complete attraction for you.
*Keep in mind that sex is the second biggest need men have.
If he doesn’t feel like you respect him he may lose his ability to be aroused by you. Then two of his top needs will not be met. This is where the possibility of cheating increases.
Another part of respect in this context is showing appreciation. Men need to feel like they can make us happy. Whenever he does something special, protective or thoughtful tell him how his actions make you feel. When you do this you’re attaching that to his character while simultaneously setting an expectation. He’s going to want to live up to that expectation. So let him know that he pleases you when he does and he will only want to please you more.
Sometimes we take on the mindset that he should be doing whatever it is anyway so we shouldn’t have to go out of our way to express appreciation. The thing is if you love him and you want your relationship to thrive you have to set aside any bitterness and anger you may have against him when he attempts to make you happy. Trust me I understand how hard it is to do this when you’re fed up.
However, if you want your man to be emotionally available, to do more to please you, and to stay committed to the relationship, you have to show him just how much you appreciate him and all the little things he does for you. Remember no one’s perfect and we all have strengths and weaknesses. Focus on his strengths.
Here’s a small example,
I remember walking on a sidewalk with a guy I was dating several years ago when he suddenly switched positions with me putting himself on the side closest to the cars. That night I thanked him by saying, “thanks for protecting me from the evil cars today. You make me feel so safe.” After that, I noticed a jump in his attraction for me, and his effort to satisfy me. He started doing more things like that to make me feel as safe as possible with him all because I verbalized exactly what I liked and my appreciation.
2. Holding back by downplaying your emotions or not being expressive at all
Do you walk around your man being cold, distant or numb? Have you lost your liveliness because you’ve shut down emotionally to protect yourself? If you answered yes it’s probably because he’s hurt you in the past? Maybe things are bad but somewhere inside you still have hope and you want the relationship to work.
The reality is if you’re doing any of the behaviors I mentioned above you could be sabotaging your relationship. Men are like big kids at heart and they are attracted to women who are playful and full of expression. When we get into this state of numbness and low energy it paints us as this super serious, angry, and stoic woman. Being this way is pushing your man away whether you notice it or not.
I’ve been here so I know first hand how it is. During this process we tend to shut off our vulnerability – the relationship becomes all business and similar to being roommates who occasionally have sex.
What I’m encouraging you to do as a woman who wants her man to draw nearer to her is to feel and express. If you’re angry with him tell him and show him. The same is true if you’re sad, excited, afraid, or happy. I’m saying to be alive and vibrant with every emotion you feel but the underlying quality here is being vulnerable. You need to be vulnerable with him again if you want things to get better.
3. Claiming him as the source of all your happiness
One of the worst things a woman can do is to claim a man as her only reason to live. Saying or behaving in any way that implies your life wouldn’t be complete if he weren’t there is bad and reflects insecurity and codependency. Remember that people want to be in a relationship with someone because of their attraction to them, yes, but more importantly to experience life with someone and to be apart of their world.
If you depend on the man you’re with to be happy and he is your everything that basically means if he were out of your life you would have nothing.
This may work in the beginning of a relationship or on someone who’s insecure, but it will not enable you to attract and keep the confident man you want. When you think of someone as your only reason for living they become like a drug to you. You depend on them and you let go of everything else in your life putting all of your energy into that person.
If he starts to feel the same and depend on you for his happiness you will both become codependent and controlling of each other which is very unhealthy. However, if it’s just you who feels this way you will start pushing him away and when he leaves it could shatter you.
If you are in a relationship where you find yourself being codependent I strongly recommend for you to start growing independently in at least three other areas of your life. If you don’t this relationship could seriously damage you and even affect your physical health. Be aware of things like intense stress, anxiety, depression, or even a heart attack.
Reconnect with your friends, start getting active with your hobbies without him, and work on a self-improvement goal – start building yourself up for you. Never give someone the power to break you if they simply decide not to be with you anymore.
4. Treating him like you’re his mother
If you find yourself telling him what to do and consistently reminding him of things on a daily basis, consider laying off a bit. Most guys like when their wife or girlfriend does this but only as much as they like it when their mother does it. Remember you are not his mother but his lover.
Let’s say he’s messy and he forgets to do things so you get into a habit of always telling him to pick up after himself, do laundry, or pick up the kids. He start’s to depend on that which takes him out of the dominant role and kills passion. Eventually, he will grow to feel inadequate and he won’t lead and take initiative like you want him to.
This sort of starts the trickle effect of negativity in relationships. You’ll start to become more and more irritated by his lack of leadership so you’ll treat him as such and maybe even start to emasculate him. Then he doesn’t feel respected. The next thing you know both of you will want a way out which is usually when divorce or breaking up, starts to become an option.
So what should you do instead?
The answer is simple but not easy. Let him forget. Stop reminding, and planning all the time. Let him forget to stop by the grocery store on his way home, let him forget to unload the dishwasher and pick up the kids. Let him learn and be an accountable adult. This is going to be hard but in the end, it’ll be worth it.
“She was afraid of heights but was much more afraid of never flying” – anonymous
If you realize you’ve been pushing your man away and you want to save the relationship the best thing for you to do is to look inwardly. Be honest with yourself about what you really want from the relationship. Get a notebook and start writing it down. You may need to have a conversation with your guy about things and seek help from a counselor. Just make sure you’re taking action to make the relationship healthy and happy where both of you are getting your needs met.
I hope you enjoyed this post! If you did please subscribe to my email newsletter for more relationship and self-development advice by submitting your name and email address on the form above or below. Thanks so much for reading and I’ll be back on Wednesday with a new post. – Alex 🙂
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