“I’m not a difficult woman, I’m a strong woman who knows my value.” – Attitude to inspiration
You can waste your entire life hoping for someone to change. The reality is no matter what you try to do, you don’t have the power to make him change. He has to be willing to do that himself. You have to either accept what’s happening or get yourself out of it.
In today’s post, I’ll be going into how to figure out if you’re in a toxic relationship and what will happen if you don’t realize your value and leave.
Are you being taken for granted? How do you know if you’re in a toxic relationship?
Some of the emotions you could potentially be feeling are loneliness, fear, unworthiness, anxiety, disrespect, and abandonment. If you’re feeling any of this you know that something is wrong.
Right now you just want to fix it. So you start trying to talk to him about how you feel, maybe you’ve tried counseling, you’ve tried being distant, you’ve tried being affectionate – nothing seems to get his attention or make him change.
You just want him to see you and tell you that you’re beautiful. You want him to touch you and to want to spend time with you. You’re hurting and you feel ignored and alone.
Right now I want you to think about the reason you’re in your relationship. Did you get married for the right reasons? Was the relationship built on a solid foundation? Was the love built on authenticity? Or was it built on playing games, or trying to maintain or acquire a certain image on social media and to your family and friends?
Is that reason enough to make the relationship last through the hard times that every couple tends to go through? Are you still there because you’re afraid you won’t be able to meet someone better? Is it because of the kids, time invested, or status?
If you’re tired of being taken for granted and you realize someone is not going to change it’s time for you to break up. It’s that simple but at the same time, I know first hand it’s not easy.
Here are three things that’ll happen if you stay:
1. It’ll take over your mind and you will lose your love and excitement for life
When you’re unhappy with your relationship it’s easy to allow the negative thoughts around it to consume you. You’ll start to be less interested in doing your own hobbies and hanging out with your friends because you are so busy investigating what he’s doing. Or calling your mom asking her what you should do about the relationship when you know you just need to leave.
When I was going through this I had even lost my love for music – I didn’t want to hear it. I don’t know the exact psychology behind that but I do know that my relationship had made me a cynical person and I started to hate men in general.
My relationship problems were all I found myself thinking and talking about. I was obsessed and as a result, I created an all-around negative environment for myself. I lost myself and my passion for what I loved about life.
2. You’ll grow angry and the two of you will start to hate each other
When you are being taken for granted or hurt for an extended amount of time you will grow angry and bitter. These negative feelings are going to come out in your interactions with your guy. When they do it’s going to cause conflict all the time.
When you’re in a toxic relationship you’ll find yourself in a lot of arguments and you’ll start to resent each other which will make it hard to be vulnerable and work on problems together – you’ll stop wanting to.
If the hate continues to grow things will start to become more and more out of control. This is the point where people find themselves becoming physically abusive and definitely emotionally abusive.
3. You’ll find yourself seeking outside sources to meet your needs.
If he’s taking you for granted and you’re unhappy that essentially means one or some of your needs aren’t being met. If you’ve communicated that to him and he hasn’t done anything to meet them, your desire to have those needs met will grow and intensify.
You don’t want to cheat, lose your mind, or start partying crazy and turning to drugs and alcohol which is what many women do in this situation. So what do you do?
What you should’ve already done
- Communicated your needs
- Put effort into improving your life in all other areas which would ensure you weren’t trying to use him as the sole source of your happiness.
- Give the relationship time to heal and give him time to adjust
- Get solo counseling
- Couples counseling (I only recommend that you go this far if you’re married).
What you need to do right now
You need to end it. It’s that plain and simple. If you’ve done your part and he’s still not putting forth effort in your opinion it’s time to walk away.
Don’t think about the time you’ve invested think about the time you’re wasting by being in an unhealthy and unfulfilling relationship. You are going to be okay – you really have to know that.
Key things to focus on:
- Look for healthy ways to deal with your emotions and heal
- Get a therapist that will help you through the breakup
- Start journaling about what you’re going through
- Create a list of the pros and cons of the relationship
- Read books that teach you about real love
- Work on something you’re passionate about
Leaving is not going to be easy – it’s going to hurt. At times you’ll even forget why you’re leaving. That’s why journaling and creating your pros and cons list is so important.
Do those things so you’ll remember and stay motivated to follow through. If you don’t there’s a high chance you’ll end up entering a panic mode where you’ll do anything to save the relationship out of fear.
You’re going to go through times where you’ll think about him meeting someone else. That could scare you into wanting to be with him just so you won’t have to see him with someone else.
When this happens you need to remind yourself of all the things he’s put you through and the core reasons for your unhappiness.
Are you willing to continue to go through that for the rest of your life just because you don’t want to see him with someone else? Hopefully, your answer is no. Remember it’s okay to be sad and it’s okay to cry. You loved him and it wasn’t enough. That’s a painful realization. However, you have to love and respect yourself more.
So that’s it, ladies. I hope you enjoyed this post! You are a strong and beautiful woman. Don’t ever doubt that or give up on love. Please let me know your thoughts on this in the comment section below and don’t forget to subscribe to my email list using the form below!
Check out these posts to help you start reinventing yourself during and after the breakup:
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