Marriage: How to Stop Chasing Your Man Away – Do This Instead

Hey guys, today’s post was inspired by my aunt Catherine Armstrong. She’s been happily married for 20 plus years so she’s definitely someone I trust when it comes to marriage advice. Anyway, when Chris and I were having a hard time as newlyweds she gave me some advice that really helped me keep my sanity.

Thankfully I wrote the advice down and created a list from it that I frequently refer to. Since it’s been so helpful to me I want to share the advice with you.

Here is how to stop being a controlling wife.

healthy marriage

1. Ask in a feminine and loving way. Let him make a decision.

Sometimes we want our men to do certain things for us or less of something else. We find ourselves having to ask for something multiple times and we, of course, start to become irritated, bitter and mean.

Those are all natural reactions when our needs aren’t being met, trust me I know from experience, but it’s also the wrong reaction. When we start reacting this way we tend to emasculate our husbands. The next thing we know, we have a bigger issue on our hands – he looses attraction and starts to see you as a mother to him instead of a lover.

Instead, we should ask the question as his loving wife and follow the rest of these tips.

2. Give it to a higher power. Pray for him and your marriage.

Our husbands’ behavior, for the most part, is out of our control. Leave it to God to change him at his core. This is especially true when it comes to things like addictions but can be applied in any situation. Even if you’re just sick of him leaving the toilet seat up, or dropping his clothes on the floor when he gets home.

Express your concerns in a loving way and pray for your man. Let God deal with his heart.

3. Remember you have great worth – know who you are.

Don’t depend on your husband completely for your own happiness. Get a clear grasp on who you are and remember that. So often we get lost in our husbands and we forget who we are. In my opinion that is one of our biggest mistakes.

We need to have our own identities and interests. That is so sexy to a man. If you ask him to take you out to dinner and he decides to game with his friends instead but you make a decision to get dressed up and call one of your girlfriends for dinner anyway, that’s saying I’m going to enjoy my life regardless. This train will keep moving with or without you. He’ll either adjust and start treating you like the queen you are, or he won’t. That’s when you need to start making bigger decisions.

Check out my post: 6 Ways to be More Attractive – Why is She The One he Wants? For more advice on attraction.

4. Take care of yourself. Let him see he will be missing out.

Get yourself together. Stop delaying that shower after work and clipping those toenails. Get yourself a signature new scent and a new hairdo. Switch up your style a little bit, and start learning about something new or getting involved with a new hobby. You don’t have to make drastic changes but small subtle changes to enhance your femininity and mental well being will do wonders for your relationship with your husband and your own self-confidence. I bet he’ll start doing laundry more then.

I’m not saying become someone else but I am saying that you should aim to be your best self no matter how long you’ve been married. Men are very visual beings. You taking that extra step on your self-care will remind him of the girl he fell in love with and it’ll make him work harder to please you.


Marriage is hard, especially at the beginning. When I first got married I really struggled to adjust in my role as a wife. I’m so thankful my aunt shared these tips with me because they’ve helped change my marriage for the better and I hope you can use them to change yours. Thanks for reading. – Alex 🙂

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